A Ronnie by Any Other Name
by Weavillain
Summary: Lincoln thinks he's found the perfect pet name for Ronnie Anne Santiago. Who knew that tulips could be so darn useful? (Lincoln x Ronnie Anne)


"What's got you down now, Lincoln? Don't tell me that your dog ate your homework again."

Clyde had noticed that he had been like this ever since he and Ronnie Anne spoke to each other at lunch that day. They were currently leaving the school grounds and were on their way home. Despite his best efforts, Lincoln couldn't help but looked utterly defeated.

"No, Clyde, my dog has never eaten my homework before. Peed on it, sure, but never ate it."

"Oh yeah, I remember. Too bad you didn't realize it until you tried turning it in. How DID you walk around with a dog urine soaked report on the Louisiana Purchase without noticing until it was too late?"

"Hey, in my defense, it's not easy getting a good night's sleep at my house when Lisa's experiments keep you awake at night and you're too groggy to know the difference in the morning."

Lincoln let out the fiftieth mournful sigh of the day.

"Anyways, I'm bummed because of Ronnie Anne."

"Really? I thought you guys were cool. And by cool, I mean in the way that I hope Lori and I get to be cool one day."

Lincoln turned to Clyde to let him know how mildly disgusted he was.

"Clyde, I'm trying to feel BETTER here. Thinking about you and my sister like THAT is the stuff of nightmares. No offense."

"None taken. I'll still consider you as the best man to the wedding."

"Yeaaaaah, anyways, Ronnie Anne and I are cool and all but it's just that…she calls me 'Lame-O' all the time and she does it in a way that's meant to be like a pet name, y'know? But the thing is, I've just been calling her by her real name all this time and it makes me feel bad. I promised her that we could play video games at her house after school today and I want to impress her with a really good pet name. The thing is, I've been drawing a blank and nothing I've come up with works."

Lincoln reached into his backpack and pulled out a notepad to show him. Clyde realized that there was nothing but scratched out names on the front sheet of paper, all of it being written under a heading that read, 'Ronnie Anne Pet Name Ideas:'.

"See?! These all reek! There's no way I could call Ronnie Anne any of these without her pummeling me into the dirt!"

One of those names piqued Clyde's personally.

"Ollie? Isn't that a boy's name? She'd kill if you called her that."

"Yeah, I realized that the second I wrote it down. I used it because she likes to skateboard and the ollie is one of her favorite move."

Wanting to make his best buddy in the world feel better, Clyde got to work thinking up something to help him out. It was then that one came to him like almost instantly.

"Well, why don't you ask your sisters? They're girls. I'm sure they could give you all advice…well, I guess Lily can't since she's a baby but hey, nine heads are better than one."

Lincoln sighed and shook his head.

"No way. I want to be the one that comes up with it. It's gotta come from my heart, not from theirs. Thanks for trying, though."

Once again, Lincoln returned to his melancholy, kicking rocks and looking down at the pavement in utter misery.

"Don't worry about it too much, broseph. You've gotten out of worse jams than this. I'm sure you'll come up with something."

"Yeah, I guess sooooooo...HEY! THAT'S IT!"

Evidently, he had found something in someone's front yard that had gotten him out of his funk. Clyde looked on puzzled as Lincoln excitedly pointed to a flower bed that consisted entirely of purple tulips.

"Clyde, do you know what those are?!"

"Uh…flowers?"

"No! It's my ticket out! Tulips! Ronnie Anne likes to wear purple hoodies ALL the time and 'tulip' is something that girlfriends get call all the time! It's perfect!"

"I dunno, Lincoln, didn't she wear a yellow hoodie that one time? Also, she was really pale for some reason. Though, I guess that's what happened when you decide to eat the cafeteria's tomato soup. That stuff still gives me the runs just thinking abo-"

"Clyde, focus! 'Tulip'! It's the perfect name! This is a sign that I have to go through with this!"

Lincoln's mind was made up. This was what he was going to call her and nothing was going to stop him. He left Clyde in a cloud of dust as he sped on home ahead of him.

"Wish me luck, Clyde! I'll call you once things go well!"

Clyde removed his glasses to wipe the dust out of them as he chuckled to himself at his friend's mood being lifted.

"Yeah. See ya, Lincoln. See, I told him he should try out for track and field. We'd be undefeated with that type of speed!"

* * *

"Aw, man! I thought I had you that time!"

Lincoln looked over to Ronnie, who to his dismay, had the cockiest of smirks on her face. He almost wished that he could be on the farthest side of the couch so he couldn't see it so clearly.

"As if! Didn't I tell you before, Lincoln? I was born out of the womb ready to dominate the galaxy! Praise be to Pin'gu!"

Lincoln gingerly tossed the S-Cube controller aside, folded his arms, and huffed in aggravation as the words "LOSER!" flashed under his name while "WINNER!" flashed under Ronnie's. This was their thirteenth time going at it at Interstellar Crusade XII, the twelfth installment of the fighting arcade Interstellar Crusade video game franchise that was popular for its extensive fighting roster, crazy combos, and gratifyingly wacky visuals. Bobby had even gotten the DLC for them so they could try out all of the available roster before he went upstairs to talk to Lori on the phone. Ronnie's fighter of choice was always Pin'gu, a space bounty hunter from the Planet Quasha, who specialized in long range attacks with her trusty blaster and grenades. Admittedly, Lincoln wasn't an expert at the game but he thought he had enough experience with the eleven prior installments to stand a chance since he almost always beat Clyde at them.

'But I barely put up a fight! How is she so good?! No matter how many different fighters I pick, she always bests me!"

Lincoln looked over at Ronnie again, who was still gloating it up with her condescending praises for herself and he knew that she had to lose to him at least once before the day was over!

"I want a rematch! There's no way you'll beat me this time!"

Ronnie immediately stopped her whooping and hollering and looked over to Lincoln with exasperation.

"'This time?' You said that the last six times already. Face it, Lame-O, I've got you beat. Besides, it's almost 5 o'clock and I want to get SOME studying done before Mrs. Johnson's Algebra test in a few days. I've been pushing it back enough as it is and if I keep procrastinating, I'll never get around to it."

'Guess she's got a point. Think I should head home, too. I haven't even looked at the study guide yet.'

"You're right. Thanks for having me over, Ronnie Anne. I had loads of fun."

Lincoln got himself off the couch and headed towards the front door to leave.

"Same. Kicking your butt at Interstellar Crusade XII thirteen times in a row was WAY more fun than I thought it'd be."

That got Lincoln to pause in his tracks. He quickly spun around and pointed at Ronnie Anne, as if he was posing like Ace Savvy on one of his many comic books.

"Just you wait, Ronnie Anne, I will be back with a vengeance! Just you wait!"

"Yeah, yeah, have fun with that. Anyways, see ya around, Lame-O."

Lincoln's heart began to speed up. This was it. The moment of truth. Despite his confidence earlier in the day, doubt began to creep into his mind about whether or not this was a good idea or not…

'No, I have to do this! I promised myself I would!'

It was time to say goodbye for the day and Ronnie had already bid him farewell. Now was the time to try out his pet name and see if it could get stick with her.

'Welp…here goes nothing, Lincoln Loud. You can do this.'

"See ya later, Tulip."

Lincoln's eyes shut as he waited for his doom. After about ten seconds passed and Lincoln had realized that he was still breathing and his blood was still securely stored in his body and not dripping out of his nose or mouth. With that in mind, he came to the conclusion that he was safe and that it was time to go while he was still ahead. Silence was better than rage. He turned on his heel to walk out the house and felt a cold chill run down his spine as soon as his hand touched the doorknob while his girlfriend called out to him.

"What did you just call me?"

Venom. Vile. Vengeance. All of that was evident in her tone and Lincoln was silently praying to his maker to just teleport him to the safety of his room. When an immediate rescue didn't happen, he attempted to feign ignorance to her question.

"I…uh…* _gulp*_ …w-what did you s-say?"

"You heard me. Spill it. NOW."

With Plan A out the window, Lincoln had no choice but to face the music. He steeled his nerves and turned around to face Ronnie Anne once more. Upon doing so, said steeled nerves instantly melted into squirming jelly. Her current pose was the personification of ticked off and posed for a fight. He regretted turning down Lucy's services to get his measurements for her to make the perfect coffin for him. He was gonna need one if Ronnie Anne got her hands on him. With no way to talk himself out of his predicament, Lincoln opted to make a run for it.

"W-well you see R-Ronnie…I…I…ummmm…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Lincoln made a mad dash for it, running away as fast as his legs could carry him. In his frantic state of mind, he decided that it'd be best to run to Ronnie's backyard, hop the fence, and hide out in the deepest part of the woods behind their house and stay there until Ronnie gave up the hunt. Part 1 of his great escape worked as he swung the backyard gate open and saw his exit in plain sight.

'There it is! I'm saved! All I have to do is...'

"OOF!"

With the force of a speeding bullet train, Ronnie Anne had tackled Lincoln onto the ground and forced her bodyweight over him as he attempted to squirm and fight his way out from under her. It didn't take long for him to be flipped over onto his back in the struggle and for Ronnie to be sitting on him, his arms now pinned over his head.

"Spit it out, Loud! I want answers and I want 'em now!"

"Okay, okay! Just don't hurt me! I like my teeth the way they are!"

Ronnie Anne's seething rage finally simmered down as he looked down at her pleading boyfriend.

"That depends on what you say and how you say it. Also, you better not lie to me. Trust me, I can tell when you do."

With that, Ronnie Anne picked herself up off the ground and helped Lincoln back up to his feet. Lincoln brushed off the blades of grass and little clumps of dirt off his clothes and out of his hair. He looked back up at Ronnie Anne's expectant body language and knew he had to come clean.

"It's just that…* _sigh*_ …look, don't take this the wrong way or anything but…y'know how you always call me…'Lame-O'?"

She nodded in confirmation.

"Well, first of all, I don't mind it at all. In fact, I kinda like it. It's grown on me. But that's the thing, I don't have a pet name for you at all and I was trying really hard to think one up for you before I came over and then I saw these purple tulips in someone's front yard and I was all like 'Hey! Tulips! That's a good name for her since she always likes to wear purple hoodies' and so I thought I'd try it out on you and see if you'd like it and please don't kill me!"

At the end of his confession, Lincoln was kowtowing and hoping for a merciful conclusion to this conversation. What he got instead was…the sound of laughter? Lincoln looked up in disbelief and found that what he was hearing aligned with what he saw in Ronnie Anne, who was rolling around in the grass and laughing hysterically.

"You…you're laughing?"

Lincoln couldn't believe it! As if the thought of Ronnie Anne beating him to a pulp for trying to use a sweet nickname was bad enough, now she was seemingly mocking his efforts, his genuine efforts to show her some endearment! There was no way his ego was going to survive this. He'd rather get beaten up than endure this!

"Stop laughing! I tried really hard, you know!"

"I just…ahahahaha…I-I'm sorry…j-just…g-give…me…a…second to…catch my breath."

As she promised, she finally stopped laughing once she regained her composure but almost went into another laughing fit as she saw Lincoln's blushing, indignant face. He really was too cute for his own good sometimes.

"Much better. Thanks, Lame-O, I needed that."

"Well, thanks, but I wasn't exactly trying to be funny, you know."

To avoid her boyfriend's pride being ruined beyond repair, Ronnie Anne thought it'd be best to put him at ease.

"It's just that…what you just did, the reason why you did all that, it's exactly the reason why I call you 'Lame-O' in the first place."

When Lincoln didn't ask her the reason right way, she continued.

"Sometimes, you do these really sweet things to people you care about. You go out of your way to make them happy but let's be honest, those things can be kinda lame sometimes, y'know? Like, Titanic-levels of lame. It's sweet but it's also lame. Hence, 'Lame-O'. Get it?"

As reluctant as he was to admit it, Ronnie Anne did have a point. Not about being lame, per se, but it did make sense for someone as tough and abrasive as her to think of his ways of expressing affection as "lame". She was as tough as they came and looking at things from her perspective, he supposed he couldn't fault her for thinking the way she did about him. If anything, it made Lincoln swell with pride at how much he knew he meant to Ronnie Anne despite his demeanor.

"Guilty as charged. But hey, if it means that I get to have you as my girlfriend, I don't mind being lame once in a while."

"Pssh, once in a while? Try practically every day. C'mon…'tulip'? Really? You gotta admit that's kinda lame."

Ronnie Anne laughed again but this time, Lincoln couldn't help but join in as well. At least he knew that he wouldn't face retribution anymore and that things had returned to normal between them. By the time they were done, they were both staring up at the afternoon sky, trying to catch their breath. Lincoln got to his feet first, waving goodbye to Ronnie and made his way out of her backyard. As he reached the gate, he felt Ronnie Anne's hand on his shoulder, wanting for him to stop.

"Hey, you forgot something."

"Really? What's th…"

Lincoln stilled straight away as he felt Ronnie Anne's lips brush against his cheek. She leaned back and stifled a snicker as she saw his dazed, flushed expression.

"See ya, Lame-O. Keep thinking on that pet name for me, okay?"

"O-okay, Ronnie Anne. See ya at school tomorrow."

Once he saw that she had went back into the house, Lincoln headed back home, full of determination to rock Ronnie Anne's world. He quietly made a vow to himself:

"Okay, so 'Tulip' is definitely out. But hey, whether it's pet names or Interstellar Conquest XII, no man ever got anywhere in life by giving up. Just you wait, Ronnie Anne. Just you wait."

 **A/N:** A Marvel No-Prize goes out to the person that can first figure out the origins of the "yellow hoodie". I'm sure the more exuberant members of the Loud Crowd can figure it out without referencing it through research online but if you have to, don't worry about it. I'm not one to judge! (^_^) In fact, that's your job to do for this story…if you want to. I-I'm not forcing you or anything. Hope my contribution to the Ronnie x Lincoln community goes off without a hitch. Reviews would be of the most help as I venture further into the crazy world of fanfic creating.


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